Just another one of those days..

You know, those days where you feel like doing so much and end up doing nothing. My plans for today were:

Get out of bed early (not exactly?)
Have breakfast (I forgot..)
Go for a half hour walk (By myself? Are you crazy?!)
Vacuuming the house (Screw that, let someone else do it!)
Call the company for information about my application letter (...)
Have lunch (Allrighty then.. Breakfast lunch is all I'm used to these days)
Do some laundry (Really? Why do I even think about doing that?!)

Instead.. I sit on the couch and do nothing. Why? Because I can't get myself to do anything.

I woke up around 10 this morning, so that's not really early but not late either. I got dressed and started making plans. But as soon as I got downstairs I wasn't hungry anymore. So I just turned on my laptop and that's my worst enemy! It makes me not do anything.

The half hour walk is something I'm afraid to do. Not that I mind walking, but I'm scared to do that all alone. But because it's something I have to do by myself, I don't do it. Vacuuming the house is something I just have to do, because no one else here does it. But because I'm the only one it annoys me that it's always me. And therefor I don't feel like doing it.

Calling that company.. is something that is terrifying for me. Something most people don't understand, but as soon as I start thinking about it I freeze up and my hearts starts pounding like crazy. I'm scared because I don't know what to say and I'm afraid to make a fool of myself. And that they don't even want to see me for an interview because I did that. Oh yes, things that are normal to most people scare me to death. I have the weirdest anxieties that keep me from living life in a "normal" way.

I am getting hungry right now, so I will be making lunch. Something that gives me the energy to start doing something! Oh, I hate doing laundry. Not so much the putting it in the machine part, more the taking it out when done and then hang to dry part.

Seriously though, most people don't understand that I can't do these simple tasks. They think I'm just lazy. But to tell you the truth: depression sucks every bit of energy out of you. Especially with weather like today, rainy and dark, I can't get myself to move. The weather has a great impact on my emotional status. I will try to get myself off the couch and make some lunch. Hopefully I get at least 3 things done from my list, besides having lunch of course. Update tonight maybe?

Love,
Nana