What if?

I'm a huge fan of Grey's Anatomy. Today was the season final of season 7 (in Holland at least) and I cried.
Especially when it reached the end, where Meredith always finishes her "thoughts" she start at the beginning of every episode. It got to me because I pretty much feel the same way. So I watched the episode again and wrote every word down she said.

There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't 'cause I thought I'd be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it.
It's easier to be alone.
Because what if you learn that you need love? And then you don't have it? What if you like it? And lean on it? What if you shape your life around it? And then... it falls apart.
Can you even survive that kind of pain?
Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is... Death ends.
This, could go on for ever. 

That is pretty much how I feel about love at the moment. I'm afraid to love, simply because losing that love would hurt too much. I just can't handle pain, not that kind of pain. I'd be better off if I had physical pain since I know it'll end in a few days, or weeks when it's really bad. I rather break my bones than my heart.
A broken arm can get a cast, a broken heart just sits there in your chest.
Unprotected.
Ready to break again at any time.

There was a quote I read a coupe of years back that said:
"Don't make someone your everything, because if you lose them you have nothing"
And I promised myself to stick to that.
I broke that promise and I got hurt.

I'm just afraid to love...